i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
