we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
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