Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Randomize
