I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Randomize
