So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
Use "feeling words"
Yay
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
Randomize
