I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
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