Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
We need to rekindle our bromance
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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