Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
Randomize
