i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
Randomize
