You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
