I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
time to smoke my breakfast
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
Randomize
