I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
Randomize
