He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
