ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Randomize
