Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
Randomize
