Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
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