come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
