My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
