ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Randomize
