worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
we made out on top of his cat.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
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