ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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