I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Randomize
