you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
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