I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
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