I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
