Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
He did a backflip because drugs
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
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