Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
