Have you finally orgasmed yet?
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
It's blow job season.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
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