Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
