forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
