I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
I think my nap took me to another dimension
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
Randomize
