you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize
