dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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