The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
Randomize
