He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
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