theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
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