I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
