i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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