I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
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