I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
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