She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
