Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
You did what with his pubic hair?
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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