So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
