Can i not drive my cunt home
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Randomize
