My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
