I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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