just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Randomize
