I'm sorry my penis didn't work
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
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