theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
false alarm. still invincible.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
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