I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Randomize
