Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Randomize
