is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
