I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
