At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
Randomize
