i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Randomize
