good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
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