you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
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