until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Randomize
