You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
Could you please tell me why If you were a 21 year old man why you would want to sleep with a girl who has tinkerbell bedding?
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
Randomize
