32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Randomize
