SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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