where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
Randomize
