Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
Randomize
